Anger

I am not one that is in touch with my emotions. That is not to say that I am not aware, but I rarely have control of the immediate impulse. When I had a shrink he indicated that I have poor impulse control. I find it fascinating that people get paid to label behaviors that are self evident. I would have just been happy with you can’t keep your shit under control. You need to work on that.

Where is this going and where did it come from? I awoke this morning to take a run at 5:30. My running partner cancelled last night, which is why I was able to get a solid night of sleep. I typically wake every on the hour throughout the night thinking it is time to run. One would think that I am anxious to run. This is not the case. There is something else going on there. I am sure I can hand over my check book to the shrink and he can tell me I have anxiety or something. Moving on. I went to the closet and stood there, sleepily, and I couldn’t find my running tights. It is cold out and I am a pansy. I don’t like to be cold. They were not in the place they should have been. It made me angry. I brain locked and was pissed because I had gotten out of bed. I wanted to run. I needed to run. Now the day has been set. The mood altered.

I laid back down and got angry. Then I tried to let it go. When Kim got up to get ready for work I asked her if she knew where they were. I was setting her up to slay her with invectives about not putting my stuff where it belongs when she is putting clothes away. Such a dick move. She said “You hung them up to dry when you did laundry”. I lay there. Angry. Smoke another one dumb ass, this one is on you. The epiphany set in. You can still get up and run if you wish. You still have time. I was still locked in to the fact that I didn’t get to go at the time I normally go.

I got up and did my morning sun salutations and let my head clear.

Control your shit